The Hot Boys Sexpert Tells His Life Story!

Hello and Good Day Hotties! My name is Carl Crosco. I have a lot to tell you as The Hot Boys Sexpert.

I am 29 years old and have recently relocated to California from Virginia where I was a hair stylist and cosmetologist. I also am a make-up artist. Proudly, I am gay (maybe a little to flaming, at times) and make no apologies for my lifestyle. Like many of us, I do not shy away from saying who or what I am but coming from a conservative area (let’s just say that many people in Virginia will not fly on a plane unless it has 2 right wings) there have been many times when I tried to hide or change my identity. Guess I was doing nothing more than lying to myself for I am the happiest when I can be who I am. “Hiding” truly went against my grain and compromised my honesty which I consider to be one of the most important traits for any one.

I am here to be more or less an “ice breaker” and if someone is offended by what is said in this blog then I suggest you get over it. You will get honesty from me and I expect honesty from you. My story is a “life changing” story. It is for me and think will be for you. Above all else, it is true.

Remember when I said honesty is one of the traits I admire most? Well for many years I haven’t been honest in one thing. Not about my gayness but that I have been HIV positive for some time!!! Maybe to some of you that isn’t a big deal. To me it is. I don’t like hiding anything but felt it was necessary so I wouldn’t be ostracized.

Don’t condemn me. I have not, since I was diagnosed, endangered anyone else. I may not have been honest with my partner but I was honest with myself. I could not live knowing I may have infected someone.

We all know that HIV and, worse, AIDS, continues to be rampant in our community. Granted, there have been many steps taken over the years that have resulted in the infection rate being reduced but each day gay men and women are finding out they have been exposed and infected by an uncaring, dishonest, partner. If nothing else, my job on this blog is to educate you, in a non-medical way. Remember, I am not a doctor. I am not anything but a person like you. Unfortunately, I refused to heed the dangers that were (are) out there and now I am paying the consequences. You know what I mean. “Hell, it can’t happen to me. Things like this happen to everyone else.” Well, it can happen to anyone. Enough of the preaching!

Here is my story:
Let’s go back to September, 1998. I was working for an escort agency in Maryland. (No actual names, company or personal, will be used in my story.) This agency offered “extra” services if the client was willing to pay. (Bet that surprised you, huh?) Anyway, I received a call and an appointment was set with a client for sex. I arrived at his house and this hot looking guy (I’ll call him John what else!) met me at the door. I went in, we talked and he offered some crystal meth. We all know this is one of the “drugs of choice” in the gay life. Anyway, we got high, one thing led to another and we had sex. He did use a condom but, and I didn’t find this out until we were finished that he took the condom off. I was out of it so didn’t notice and really didn’t have any concerns. Remember? It couldn’t happen to me.

After the “date” was over I went home and met up with a close friend. We chatted about the night and my date. I mentioned the name of the date and my friend said “you do know he has AIDS, right?” Since “John” had used a condom I wasn’t concerned until I remembered he had taken it off. Then my friend also told me “John” was very sick and, according to some others, didn’t have long. I thought about that, but I felt it couldn’t happen to me.

About 3 weeks later I became really sick. My lymph nodes were sore and swollen. Groin area was really sore and I got odd, white bumps on the roof of my mouth. I went to the doctor, actually a clinic in Washington, DC, where they did all kinds of tests including a test for HIV. I wasn’t really concerned but then was. Know what I mean? Anyway, I went home and was told to return in a week to get the results. Later on, my mind began working and I got scared. Not just a little. A lot!

Now I’m the kinda person who puts things off. With the tests, I decided not to go back to get the results. Guess I figured that if I don’t know then nothing is wrong. Many of the symptoms I mentioned above went away in a short time so there was no need, I thought, to go back. Bad choice.

Remember my “friend” who told me that “John” was dying? Well, I can’t swear to this but I think he is the one who began spreading rumors about me. Rumors that I had full blown AIDS. And since I didn’t have long I was living the high life. Obviously it was almost impossible for me to prove the rumors false because I had not gotten my test results. The rumors were there, I couldn’t disprove them so I said “What the hell!” and truly got out of control. Sex and drugs. Drugs and sex. Rock and roll. Party like it was my last night on earth. Truly, “out of control” did not even come close to describing my life style. Party was my life.

But, in March, 1998, reality struck. I’m not going to say why, but I was jailed in the Fairfax Country Men’s Detention Center. For some reason I decided to have the HIV test and the results were positive. In 2 weeks, I was getting deathly ill. More and more things started happening to me. I had huge, blood blisters in my mouth. My lymph nodes were so swollen they felt like golf balls and sometimes they felt bigger. In the 2 weeks I went from a 32 waist down to a 26 waist and weighed only 132 pounds. I was throwing up blood. To say I was sick was a total understatement. Seriously, I felt like I was dying and not easily.

Think about it. Here I was in jail and with more undesirable people than you could imagine in your worst nightmare, dropping weight every day and sores that would repulse anyone. Talk about alone. I was worse than alone. No doubt I had hit rock bottom. Hell, I was below that.

Somehow, someway some of my strength came back. Not 100% by any means but better than it was. I was released from jail and assigned to a work prison. (By the way I was sent to jail for selling drugs.) At the work prison I kept to myself. No one knew about my illness and I was sure not going to tell anyone. I was very alone and though that may sound bad in some ways it was good. Being alone gave me a chance to take stock of myself. I began to pray. Yes, I do believe in God. I began to do research on this disease I had and see if there was anything out there I could do. I learned to eat healthy which was really the only alternative I had in this environment. I could still live but needed to be extremely careful and not compromise my health in the future. This is what I did for some time.

Jump ahead to November, 12, 1999. I was released and for the first time in a long time was free. Free to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to, and with whom I wanted to do it with. Amazingly, I forgot everything I had learned. Well, not really. I just put it all in the back of my mind. My health had returned. Maybe not 100% but a hell of a lot better than it was. Though I knew I hadn’t really beat it I convinced myself I had. So I partied.
How else could I celebrate my freedom?

I didn’t just party I mean I PARTIED!!!! If there was a college course in partying I would be the professor. Booze, Drugs, Sex. Booze, Drugs, Sex. Booze, Drugs, Sex. You get the picture. Every night, every day. 24 hrs straight maybe longer. Booze, Drugs, Sex!! But, it caught up to me.

I started feeling like hell and went to a clinic. Long story short, tests showed I had contracted syphilis, mononucleosis, and Hepatitis C. Oh, and my HIV was back. (Like it had left). I was so sick the clinic staff had me immediately admitted to the hospital. Being put on all types of meds I was able to be released after a couple of weeks. Shortly after being released I was put on the “cocktail”.

I was on the “cocktail” along with numerous vitamins and anti-nausea medicine. In total, I was taking 42 pills a day. It took its toll on me. Was hard to hold down any food but I finally developed tolerance for them all and I did get better.

Just like my life, my living with HIV has been done through trial and error. Yes I did make mistakes. Big mistakes. Many times. But I learned and I thank God that I went to jail. I truly feel if I hadn’t been sent to jail I would be dead. I am free of all meds and living a relatively healthy life style. My counts are great – above where they should be. I live relatively stress-free, have a great job doing what I love (hair styling and makeup). I am currently single and am achieving my goals by being persistent but fair in everything I do. I am living life with HIV and showing that even if you do get that dreaded news, it is not the end of life. It actually can be the beginning of an even better life. It takes commitment, realism, and most importantly being totally honest with yourself.

That is my story. I know I left some things out but my hope is you can take something from it and understand that you too can more than just survive with this disease. We all make mistakes and many times are destined to repeat them. If someone like me can learn you can, too.

I want to switch gears and go a different route. I’d like to explain just what HIV is. It’s important we all know just what HIV is because someone we know and love is living with this illness everyday. So now I need to explain this disease not in medical terms for, as you know, I am not a doctor. Just in plain everyday language.

There are 2 types of HIV viruses. HIV 1 causes most cases of AIDS in the USA. HIV is usually spread through unprotected anal sex or through shared needles for drug or steroids. Though rare, infection can be spread through oral sex. The only sure way to avoid infection, other than abstinence, is by ensuring a latex condom is used. I mention latex because there are some natural sheepskin condoms on the market. These do not prevent the spread of the virus as they are made of natural membrane from sheep. The virus can and will spread through these.

If you are HIV positive it is not the end of life. But you must, repeat MUST take precautions. Our community is sometimes our worst enemy. If one of your gay brothers has HIV do not ostracize him and also don’t sympathize. Empathy is fine. Most of us who are positive do not want or need your sympathy. The main thing is if you are positive tell your partner. Safe sex, guys, can be very hot sex. Also, do not be afraid to be tested. It’s better to know and take steps to improve your life than to not know and be like I was for so long.

Right now, the CDC estimates that over 250,000 gay men and women do not know they are carrying the HIV virus. That’s one-quarter of a million people. Get tested!!

Ok. So you get tested and the results are positive. Not the best of news but not a death sentence. About 15 years ago or so, there was no specific treatment for HIV. Today with the steps science and the medical profession have taken people are living longer, much longer. And not just living but enjoying life. I would imagine you know someone who can testify to this. People of all walks of life can and do get HIV. Professional athletes, politicians, priests, and so on and so on. It is not a death sentence and does not have the stigma it once did.

One thing for damn sure. With the presence of HIV, and any STD, it is never ok to have unprotected sex. You are risking your life and that of your partners. If you have HIV, you are risking re-infection. Re-infection means the virus can multiply at a more rapid rate than during the initial infection. That could bring on full blow AIDS which is, simply said, not good. Don’t be stupid. As the saying goes, “wrap that rascal”. This is an illness and disease that does not discriminate. Don’t think for one minute you won’t or can’t get it. I thought that and found out the truth in a way I didn’t think would happen.

In most states, it is a felony offense if you knowingly have the HIV virus or AIDS and infect someone through unprotected sex. You could be charged with involuntary manslaughter or attempted murder. Forget the criminality just don’t be stupid.

I can not stress enough all I said above since my story ended. I have had this disease for almost 11 years. I am extremely careful, I have never looked better or felt better than I do now and I am not on any meds. I eat right (most of the time), I exercise (not enough), and keep alcohol to a minimum (again, most of the time). If you are infected there is no reason you can’t do the same.

I keep my busy both in my job and in hobbies. My T-cell and other counts show I am healthy. But, I don’t kid myself either. I know I have to keep this up or, well………..

Each week you will learn more about me and my life. It is an open book and I hope something I write will help someone. I’m doing this for one simple reason. Life really is to short and if by me giving some information to someone will help them get more out of their life (whether gay or straight) it makes me know my place on this earth is validated. Education is very important but I can only educate or provide answers to those who ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask. I admit I don’t have all the answers. Hell, very few. But I can listen and I can find the answers for you. If you need a resource I can direct you to where you need to go. Be ready for the truth and be ready for blunt honesty. My life has been a rocky road. There is a hell of a lot I have been through that this story doesn’t even come near to touching. But everything has directed me towards the truth. Took me awhile to find it but I did. You can, too.

In closing, and sorry this has been so long, GET TESTED. USE CONDOMS. Remember with knowledge comes power and with power we, as a community, can and will beat this thing. Thanks for taking the time and I look forward to a long relationship with each and every one of you hotties.

Your Sexpert,

Carl Crosco